2013 has been a crazy year, defined by some incredible highs and
incredible lows. The two defining moments for me were spaced only about 2
weeks apart, and pretty much cut the year in two: graduating from my
PhD in June, and the death of my dad in July.
It's been
hard to write this blog again, because one of the main readers of the
blog was my dad. He'd always be asking for updates which had been
getting more widely spaced now that I'm not in Australia. But I'm going
to start it up again. I have been pretty terrible at keeping in touch
over the past six months and I have fantastic friends all over the world
that I'd like to keep close to if possible. So here goes.
June
saw me back in Australia for the PhD grad. Lucy was backpacking around
New Zealand, so was able to come over for the ceremony and be the
official photographer for the trip. June is generally terrible in Oz,
but this week was most excellent. Seven other friends from UNSW also
received their PhD's that week, and a number of my old undergrads also
finished their bachelor's degrees. I got to stay back in the old house
with Yael and Andy and the chickens, go to some of Elham's wedding
celebrations, meet Alex and Sarah's new baby, catch up with the soccer
ladies, and do all sorts of hanging out and sight seeing with John and
Anna and a host of other friends.
I was back in
California for about 1 week (in which Rishi & Amy threw me a most
excellent birthday party!) and then decided I hadn't been on a plane in a
while, and should go home for a long weekend to celebrate my dad's
retirement (and Anna & Dylan's wedding, which was a bonus). I was
planning on making it a surprise trip, but that kinda got stuffed up,
which may have been for the best. My dad retired after 33 years working
at Manulife Financial as one of their top IT guys. He'd worked on
projects like the Y2K fix, and incorporating the systems of the
companies that Manulife took over into their system. Maintaining the
mainframes. He'd had a huge lunch in his honour earlier in the week
which my mom and my brother got to go to, where there were speeches and
thank yous and gifts. After his last day, the family and a couple of his
close friends went out for dinner. It was just a good night - one of
those perfect weekends. Everyone was having a good time and happy to be
together. On the way to drop me at the airport on Sunday my dad was
trying to get me to move back to Canada. I was all for quitting my job
and moving home, except that I had a shot at going to Antarctica for
work, and wanted to see if it would pan out first. He laughed, it was
nice.
It's not often that people get a chance to
hear all the awesome things about themselves while they're alive. In a
way my dad was lucky. It's almost like he was given so much time to do
the things he needed to, and when he had completed everything, his time
was up. He had just retired, I had finished my PhD, Susan and Bob were
both married over the past 2 years, Mary had just been promoted and
moved to BC, and Lucy had finished her undergrad and was off in NZ on an
adventure. The saddest bit is that him and mom didn't get to enjoy
retirement together, but they did have a really fantastic last year
together, so that's something to be happy for too.
On
July 9th, my neighbour Jim (Waterloo neighbour) messaged me, saying my
dad had been taken to the hospital and that I should call my mom. An
afternoon of worry ensued, trying to contact my family and neighbours
while trying to hold things together at work. My mom called while I was
biking home - my dad had had a massive heart attack, and had died. It
was very fast. He had gone out to bring in the trash cans, and
collapsed. A number of people in the neighbourhood were around and came
to his aid immediately, but there was nothing that could be done. It was
fast, and he was surrounded by friends, and for that I'm grateful as
well.
The next few weeks were difficult. We all flew
home immediately, we had grief and sadness and needed each other. But it
was also difficult because everyone has their own ways to grieve, and
we also had to be strong for everyone around us who was also affected -
the neighbours, and friends, and work colleagues - Waterloo is an
incredible place, and the people there are amazing, and there are so
many people who love my dad and my family.
Going back
to California was difficult. I don't know what I would have done without
my friends Mary and Mai in particular. Rishi was as good as he knew
how, but often I was home alone, and my work project involved a lot of
long days alone in the lab. There was a lot of crying on my bike rides
to and from work, a number of days crying in the lab (so it was kind of
good no one was working closely with me), and then to go home to an
empty flat was really tough. Luckily Mary stepped in and came over a lot
- one week she was at my place 5 out of 7 days, which was amazing. I
couldn't deal with large crowds, but was alright with just one or two
people, or in situations where I didn't have to talk.
Being
outside also helped. Shortly after coming back to Cali, Mary and our
friend Joyce and I did a very needed trip to Yosemite. We drove up to
Yosemite after work on Friday night. We arrived at the trailhead to Half
Dome at midnight, and started hiking. We hiked all through the night.
It was quiet, and cool, and beautiful. We made it to the base of the
dome in the pre-dawn light and started climbing up. We reached the top
of Half-Dome just as the sun was rising:
It
was incredible. The beauty, and the sense of accomplishment, and the
physical exhaustion that clears your mind. We spent well into the
afternoon getting back down to the valley, and then collapsed in a
field, passed out in the tall grass, under the shade of some trees for a
few hours.
Our plan had been to camp that night, but
we'd had a nap, and were sore and tired and thought that actually
sleeping in our own beds would be nice, so we proceeded to drive all the
way back to the Bay Area.
I still had some bad weeks
after that, but that trip definitely helped me adjust back to
California, and give me some sense of my self back.
My
dad was cremated, and we planned to bury him up north, near the cottage,
so in October we all flew home again. We celebrated Thanksgiving up at
the cottage and held my dad's burial in Baysville. This was much nicer
than the funeral - fewer people, a nice service done by my mom's cousin
Johnny, and a bit more of a celebration. Somehow that week gave me a
feeling of closure. I don't think that makes any sense, but I don't know
how else to describe the healing that happened in my heart that week.
I'm generally a happy person, but until that point I hadn't been happy
on the inside really again. After that, I was.
The rest
of the year has felt a bit anti-climactic compared to all that.
November saw me travel to Japan for the wedding of my friends Stanley
and Stacey, and then stop over in Vancouver to visit my sister Mary and
all my family and friends there. December saw me traveling home again
for Christmas. In the background, at work, I've been working on a major
tool installation in our labs as part of the project I'm responsible
for. Just before Christmas we finally had completed the installation,
commissioning, training, chemical preparation, and the first solar cells
were completed using this new tool. Antarctica never materialized
(well, we sent panels there, but no people).
With
this tool installation now done, I feel as though I've completed all the
hard work on my project, and it would be a good time to pass it over to
someone else. I've given California a good run, and I've made some good
friends that I'll keep for the rest of my life, but I feel the time is
up. California has never felt like home to me the way that Canada,
Australia, and even Ghana have. I'm not sure what exactly is next - I'd
still like to be an astronaut when I grow up after all :-) - but I'm
ready to jump off into the unknown again in order to figure it out. One
thing about changing your education and career path as much as I feel I
have in the last 10 years, is you don't fear change as much. So far it's
tended to take me to good places, so I guess I'll just keep doing what
feels right, and likely that will end up being right.
So
that's the year. I'm sorry I haven't kept in touch as much as I should
have. It's been a tough one. But the adventures shall continue in 2014.
Stay posted!
